Nanny or Nana? Who’s Bigger Value-Add On A Trip?

This article will probably get Momaboard banned by all the granny associations on the web, but the reality is that sometimes we have to face the uncomfortable task of evaluating the benefit of taking a family member on a trip, as opposed to domestic help. The ultimate goal being relaxation and comfort for all, it should be a fair, rational decision in which both partners have a fair say (even if it is your mother that’s up for evaluation).

Here’s a scenario: Family chillaxing trip to Palm Springs. My mother-in-law, father-in-law and sister-in-law all in for back-up. While they can’t do the heavy lifting like taming a tantrum or putting Karam to sleep, they can certainly watch and entertain him for a couple of hours. Decision: nanny stayed home so we didn’t have to all be squashed in the minivan which was pretty tight as it is, or spring for an extra room.

Here’s another scenario: Close family friend’s wedding in Dubai. Four days of festivities, day and night. My mother was not about to miss the festivities and stay in and babysit, and let’s face it, additional rooms and airfares all add up. Solution: I took nana and nanny and left hubby at home.

As a couple, you have to be honest with yourselves: Do you have the type of mother (in-law) who is a better “manager” than she is a doer? Then the reality is that she’s not going to be much help on your trip. By all means, take her along, just don’t delude yourself into expecting relief from her.

Or is grandma all hands-on and willing? In that case, you may have a better case for choosing nana over nanny as ROI.

There are other dynamics to consider as well. An over-zealous grandma can often be treading on someone’s toes (most likely the person whose biological parent she is not). Further, is there a need for “just the three of us” family time? Grandma-grandchild relationships are special indeed, but if you’re one of those families that doesn’t get much quality time on your own, it might not be a bad idea to opt for someone who isn’t part of the family, who is paid to do the job and then leave you to your own devices. There is something to be said for discretion, and one thing is sure, most grandmas I have met willingly disregard it.

Some cultures are wonderful at the guilt (hello Indian and Jewish moms!): I cannot die without taking my mother to New Zealand since I left her out of our last trip. It haunts me every night! But I survived. I’ll make it up to her.

The choice naturally is yours. Try not to hurt anyone’s feelings and do what’s right for you.