Traveling With Other Families? Take our Compatibility Test First

My husband and I realized the joy of traveling with other families after our first son was born because we decided that if we weren’t going to have any privacy anyway, we may as well invite our friends to join in the fun! But we soon discovered that you can’t travel with all your friends and that sometimes play date families should remain just that and nothing more. Here are some of the ways to test for compatibility when you are considering traveling with another family:

1. Lifestyle and Routine: Are you early risers who are prepared to seize the day by sunrise? Well then you may not have such a great time with the family that wants to watch movies till the wee hours and is always late to meet. Or you may just not see them that much because of your conflicting schedules. Similarly, if they are planners and your family is more “go with the flow”, you may get on each other’s nerves trying to put together an itinerary. In general, it may be more fun to go with families that have the same plan as you for how they would like to spend the vacation.

2. Interest and Activities: This is related to the above point. If you are the culture vultures who wants to spend the trip exploring museums and local cafes, and they are the nature buffs that want to camp in the wilderness, chances are you won’t have much fun together on a trip. Similarly, if their idea of a family vacation is letting the kids stay up way past their bedtimes while you are hoping for an adult chat and glass of wine after 9pm, it’s just not going to work. If you have a long-term friendship it’s a great idea to use sites like Wayfaring.com to track your trips and see if your interests overlap.

3. Neatness and Discipline: When you spend a weekend with someone, you get insight into their behaviors and can learn a lot about them. It’s critical when considering a travel family to know how they are about things like neatness and discipline. They may sound a little uptight but there is nothing worse than sharing a villa with people who leave stale food on the coffee table and sprinkle on the toilet seat. Same with discipline. If your best friend has 3 boys under 5 whose welcome activity is to wreck the house and she is ok with that, it may not be such a fun vacation to be on.

4. Finances and Philosophies: When approaching your friends about traveling together you have to be sensitive to each other’s financial situations. Frankly, it’s not something you can gauge when you meet your friends for brunch every few weeks at the local cafe or even go to each other’s homes. Your friends may not have as much disposable income as you for a trip or may just have other priorities: a huge mortgage, an ill parent, or saving up for retirement. Or they may just enjoy a different type of travel. My husband was all about hostels and 3-star motels till I came into his life. It’s best to have these conversations about budget right up front because the outcome will dictate everything from where you stay to how you spend your time.

5. Kids vs. No Kids? This is a tricky one. I love my single friends and some of my closest friends are married without kids. When I talk to them about going on holiday together, I know their idea of one is very different from mine. They are thinking trendy restaurants, sexy nightclubs and late afternoon sleep-ins. They can’t imagine screaming kids at dawn and house arrest at night. Even if the group splits up, you end up being on totally different schedules and never seeing each other. Plus I would get totally jealous of how much fun they are having while I am stuck in a hotel room watching a $15 pay-per-view movie practically on mute. Sometimes it’s best to love your friends without kids at home, and travel with those who are in the same family-type situation as you.

6. General Sensitivities and Expectations: In addition to money, it’s really best to set expectations up front about things like how much time you will be spending together versus with just your own family, housekeeping and maintenance if it is a shared apartment, contributing to planning and preparation, bringing supplies (if applicable), etc. We had very successful group holidays when one of our friends implemented the “Those Who” plan which basically meant that “those who” wanted to participate in a joint activity could, while the rest would opt out. It’s also worth discussing the payment split in the beginning – if you have once child who will be sharing your room and they have 3 who will be in a another room, do you pay equally or proportionately for a vacation? Sometimes you may feel like the vacation nazi naming or implementing those rules and processes but if it’s going to save your holiday, it may well be worth it.